5 Struggles Only People with Social Anxiety Will Understand

Do you ever feel like everyone else is at ease in social situations, but it’s an ordeal for you? It almost seems unfair, doesn’t it? You’ve probably wondered why it’s so hard to just be yourself around others. Was it something about your upbringing? Is it genetic? Or maybe it was a traumatic, negative social experience you had? If you’ve struggled with social anxiety, you probably know exactly what I mean.

But let me tell you—you are not alone.

Social anxiety isn’t just shyness. It’s like shyness with a double shot of espresso. It’s a constant, invisible daily battle that affects how you experience the world. It can rob you of things you deeply care about. And let’s not forget—your tendency to overthink. A lot.

Social anxiety impacts many people, and it shows up in different ways. Here are five relatable struggles that people with social anxiety face.

1. Fear of Judgment

The bull’s-eye for social anxiety is the fear of judgment. Imagine if you were the only person on Earth—would you still feel socially anxious? Of course not, right?

Given that we live in a society where people are constantly around us, you may be highly sensitive to how others judge and evaluate you. It could lead to thoughts like:

• She thinks I’m weird.

• He thinks I’m incompetent.

• He thinks I’m not articulate.

• She thinks I’m creepy.

To you, others thinking negatively about you stings. You believe that impressions can’t really be forgotten. In your mind, if you came across awkwardly, it’s game over. Deep down, you know how judgmental people can be, regardless of what they say.

There’s also the sense that you are being watched. Not in a paranoid, delusional way, but in that you think people notice everything—how you look, how you talk, even how you move. You feel you’re being scrutinized, and this feeling becomes worse when you think the stakes are higher.

You may have a fear of being exposed too, especially when you speak. Every interaction is a potential risk, as if people will see the true you if you open your mouth.

2. Self-criticism

Self-criticism is like poison—spreading and infecting everything. You expect others to judge you harshly because you do the same to yourself. The worst part is that you actually believe your self-criticism as fact.

• I’m just not a good speaker.

• I’m incompetent.

• I’m weird.

• I’m not normal.

You have very high standards—perfectionism, perhaps. You feel like you should be able to do X, Y, Z, and when you compare yourself to others, you think, Why can’t I be like that?

There’s also a belief that being nervous makes you weak. You beat yourself up for it, thinking it’s a sign of fear and thus failure. Deep down, you believe you are somehow less than.

Not only that, but you feel frustration, anger, and shame towards yourself for believing you’re flawed. You tell yourself it’s just a matter of practice—that if you keep trying, you’ll eventually stop getting anxious. But even after many repetitions, the same situations still make you nervous. And the frustration builds.

You find yourself thinking, Why am I still like this? Or, I really haven’t changed, have I? You resent how easily your nerves take over, as if it’s proof something is wrong with you.

Sometimes, self-criticism goes even deeper, into self-hatred. Maybe it’s your looks, your voice, the way you talk, your personality, your intelligence—whatever it is, there’s a gnawing feeling that something about you isn’t normal.

3. Physical Symptoms of Anxiety

Anxiety comes with overwhelming physical symptoms. It can feel like your fight-or-flight response gets activated easily in social situations.

Once your sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) kicks into high gear, your heart rate goes through the roof, your breathing becomes rapid and shallow, and your palms get clammy. Depending on how nervous you are, you might notice other sensations too—like trembling hands, weak jelly legs, a shaky voice, or sweating profusely. And of course, there’s dry mouth.

What’s worse is the constant worry that people may notice these symptoms. This worry circles back to the fear of judgment, creating a vicious cycle.

To hide how anxious you are, you might mumble to avoid a shaky voice or work hard to appear calm. You hate being seen as nervous because you think it makes you look weak, awkward, incompetent—fill in the blank. This is why sometimes others may think you’re coming off as cold, but it is just your defense mechanism.

4. Everyday Speaking Anxiety

Do you feel nervous every time you need to speak in front of others? Whether it’s public speaking, group settings, or everyday interactions—many situations trigger nervousness.

For you, almost everything feels like a performance—at the dinner table, telling a story, facing a customer, ordering at a restaurant, standing in line at the post office, or even just picking up the phone. Some situations might be easier than others, but the anxiety is usually there. Uncertainty about how the interaction will go plays a big role.

Take ordering a cup of coffee, for example. You might wonder how the barista will respond—will they be friendly or will they judge you?

Work meetings can be especially anxiety-provoking. You feel nervous just sitting there, anticipating being put on the spot, whether you plan to speak or not. This constant self-monitoring makes you hesitant to speak. You might rehearse your words, overthink, and second-guess yourself, even when you have something important to say. When you do speak, it feels like you lose your intelligence, as if the words aren’t coming out right and you sound stupid.

While everyday interactions can be hard, larger groups can feel downright overwhelming. And the nightmare of public speaking? It can haunt you for weeks, leading you to fantasize about escaping it.

These situations can feel incredibly uncomfortable, whether it’s giving a speech, presenting, or simply speaking in front of others. The dread often starts long before the moment arrives.

5. The Cycle of Rumination and Worry

Then there’s everything that goes on in your head—the double, triple, quadruple x10 whammy of rumination and worry.

Let’s say you found the courage to speak up. Even if it went well, you might still replay the interaction in your mind: what you said, what they said, and how it all went. But if it didn’t go well in your mind, that’s when the trouble begins.

You keep replaying the moment, dwelling on that negative state. You resist reality, wishing it hadn’t happened or imagining all the things you could have said instead.

There’s also worry—fixating on the future. If there is an upcoming, anxiety-provoking event, you immediately start feeling nervous. You replay it in your head before it’s even happened, imagining all the ways it could go wrong and thinking you’ll be exposed. You suffer psychologically many times long before the actual event.

This rumination and worry are distracting to daily life. They rob you of the present moment. It’s an exhausting cycle of dread and avoidance.

Final thoughts

These are just a few common struggles—yours may look different. Social anxiety can feel isolating, but it’s important to remember that it doesn’t define who you are. It doesn’t make you weak or less worthy. There is hope for things to get better, and you’re definitely not alone in this. Acknowledging these struggles is a brave first step. Be gentle with yourself—every small step forward is progress.

P.S. If you’re curious about how therapy could help, feel free to contact me to learn more or ask questions. I’m here to help you.